Friday, August 31, 2007

Fate brought us together.

For me, i do believe in love at first sight. It all started when kismet that God made us meet each other during an outing. At first, before she started to say anything she gave me a good impression on her. As she started to talk, words came out from her mouth non stop. But all I was doing was just continue eating while listening to their conversations and interrupt once in a while. Next we headed to a cafe for a drink and a chit chat session among a few of us. A waiter came by and asked us for our order. Until now, I couldn't forget how sarcastic she was towards the waiter when he tried to explain the beverage on the menu. Starting from there, i couldn't figure out why my eyes locked to her that I kept on starring at her like I had never seen a girl before. Well, maybe it was just because she was sitting opposite had no any other place to look at. When we wanted to go back, she offered me a ride and I thought she was just kidding and felt shy since that was the first time I met her. In the end, I rejected her offer because I was just too shy to accept it. That same night, she was actually waiting for me but I didn't know that. The first thing I noticed bout her was her lovely big eyes and also her sweet smile that made me melt.

One week later, we talked to each other and we spoke until dawn. We spoke for almost 13hours non stop and we were sharing each others secret. We talked as if we had known each other for years instead of just a week, I felt an instant connection with her. From the way we talked, i can sense that there's a spark between both of us. At this time, i thought she only wanted us to be friends. I know that i wanted her to be mine. Even though i knew it was impossible because I'd always thought I was weak and not outstanding at all. Other than that, she's losing faith and confidence for being accepting a new relationship after getting hurt so deeply that makes her broken into pieces. She did asked me whether I will treat her like her ex boyfriend did. As for her friends, they are asking her not to start another relationship so fast and believed that I will be breaking her heart like her ex did. I hope I can be the remedy to her broken heart and make her gain her faith in love back. I was so afraid of getting hurt but anyhow I told her that no matter what I try my best not to hurt her. I doubt that we started this relationship too fast. Yet I'd still doing what's on my mind and I didn't regret starting this relationship.

On Thursday, it was a weekday where everyone of us needed to attend class. As usual after I came back from my class, I was taking a nap and out of no where someone actually woke me up by knocking on my gate. Being disturb for no reasons when you were sleeping is unforgivable. The knocking my door actually pissed me off and I rushed out to open the door. Surprisingly, when I opened up the door the one I saw was actually her and I was stunned for a moment. At that moment I was so touched because she came all the way just to find me and my tears were just popping out from my eyes and sliding down to my cheek. I was really speechless and too happy till I don't know what to say. At night, the both of us were lying on the bed and she said that I missed out something. I was wondering and trying to figure out what was it. Then she told me I haven't confessed to her properly. I went near her and started to hug her as I confessed to her. Finally, she accepted me and then I gave her a peck on her lips and told her I love her. Next, we told each other that we wont be promising on certain stuff and I told her I can only promise to accompany her to watch the shooting stars. In fact, I wouldn't have that chance of doing it anymore. That was the actual day we started off this relationship.We spent our days together for few days and I start falling in love with her. No doubt, she's always there for me with or without me knowing it and never let me down.

Without realizing, my birthday was just around the corner. Being the girlfriend was difficult as she actually thought hard of what to get for me as my present. During our conversations, she was actually asking for things I liked and she did ask my best friend for things I like and the opinion of what to buy for me. At the same time, I was actually trying hard to find out what she got for me and finally I guessed correctly. The present was kind of unique since I never received any present like the one I got from her and it was two weeks early. For getting such an expensive present, she actually saved up her money by not eating and also borrowing money from her friends. Moreover, she actually spent most of her time with me and celebrated my birthday even though she's having her final examination for the last semester. Those days were really unforgettable and memorable especially the time when she was there with me to celebrate my birthday. When it comes to studies I will never forget the expression of her which was so serious. She's only strict to me when it concerned my studies. However, I know the purpose she did that was because she is concerned bout me. It was pure luck having a girl like her.That makes me treasure and cherished her even more. God has truly blessed me with a wonderful girl.

Right now she and I are still trying to get through this long-distance relationship. Everyday we would talk to each other and just remind each other that we'd make it. She always tells me that we have to get through the bad to get to the good stuff and I agree with her. It's just really hard not seeing the one you love because of the distance. We both know though that our love will get us through this and we will be in each others arms someday soon. We would call each other sometimes to hear each others voices and then we would send pictures to each other. We know that we're meant for each other, there's just no doubt about it. There is this feeling there in our hearts that tells us that we're meant for each other. We're connected in mind and heart and she and I will not let this distance ruin this relationship. Her love that she tries to show me everyday and her sweet and caring heart helps me get through this. I thank God everyday that kismet has found a way to bring us together. I also thank her everyday for bringing so much happiness into my life even though this distance does make me depressed sometimes she makes it all go away and I love her for that. She is the most wonderful girl I have ever known, the way she knows my soul, my thoughts, my wants and needs and she knows everything. She is so thoughtful and kind; her heart is so good that it brings tears to my eyes. She gives me strength to do anything and everything I want or need to do. She is my encouragement and reassurance.

As time goes on, problems started occurring in our relationship. Many problems happened to our group of friends. One of the reason was because of her, as she made a mistake. Although she was wrong but I didn't get mad at her cause of what she did. Instead i was actually behind helping her where other people can't see. In the end, problems are solved and she was asking me why didn't I stand up to speak for her because everyone was asking her the same question. I was quite upset because of what she said to me. After all, I asked myself is it that important to show people outside what I did for the sake of protecting her. Well, I just asked myself to forget bout it and not to start any argument between both of us.

For a month our relationship flourished and bloomed. Like an exotic, delicate flower that needs tender attention, I cared for Jove to her every needs and desires. I wanted to elevate her to a pedestal to venerate and worship her as the goddess of my life. I wanted to place her high above the dangers of the elements so as to insulate her from pain and deceit. I wanted only the best for her.

That one day I ruined everything. I did the worst thing I could possibly do to a person. I took the trust and faith that she had in me and I threw it down the drain. I accused her of cheating on me. I was told from a friend that she was breaking a promise. My life was shattered. Instead of me giving her a chance to explain I jumped to conclusions and I didn't even listen to her calls when she called me. I acted irrationally, immature, and worst of all, I showed an undeserved mistrust of her. I thought my whole life, my commitment, everything I lived for is gone. The next day she actually forgive me for what I've done and gave me another chance.

Another one month had passed, I said things which I shouldn't have said. Just because of one word I destroyed all the dreams and hopes in a moment of stupidity! My life has not been the same since Jove left. Dark clouds of gloom and despair now cover where once the sun shine rays of hope and love. The warmth of the tropics, with its high heat and humidity indexes, is now a perennial blanket of winter coldness and loneliness. My soul is barren, like the countryside of the Northern states where life seems to stop during the winter mouths as fear and darkness overcomes the senses, and people seek refuge inside their homes awaiting the arrival of spring. But, for me, that spring longing is as distant as the depth of the firmament. Jove, who once was the center of my life and the goal of my dreams, is now a beautiful and sad figment of my imagination. The pain is unbearable, the feeling of dejection and loneliness paralyzes, and I have no desire to see the future ahead of mine. I wish I could turn back the hands of time a few days, when a minute of my words turned my life into a living hell. Now, I have to pay the price of human errors. I wander alone, lonely, and hopelessly feeling the pain of the disappointment I caused not only to her, but myself as well. I'll never love again as I loved her. I'll never look for or find another Jove. Women of her essence only appear once in a man's lifetime. But I had blown it away. I hope that she finds the happiness she is entitled to and that I so badly wanted to give her. I also hope that she remembers that, the way that I loved her, nobody has or will, even with my mistakes. In the midst of so much despair, I thank God for giving me the opportunity to experience life and love from Jove. I have never received such an immaculate and pure example of love as I did from this woman, a deity who came into my life and left such a mark in my heart. All I can do is just reminiscing the past.


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